Get that weak shit outta here Chicago

Maybe the Bulls shot their load (too soon) in games 1 and 2? At least that's what Ron Jeremy and the porn-minded NBA fans will be thinking for the next few days after Boston embarrassed Chicago, 107-86 in Game 3 last night at the United Center.

The road win was big for the C's as it nullified their terrible performance in Game 1 and gave them back the homecourt advantage.

Paul Pierce stepped up after two sub-par (for him) performances. The Truth hit his first six shots of the night en-route to a game-high 24 points. Best of all, he only played 28 minutes in the blowout so he'll be fresh for Game 4 on Sunday.

Rajon Rondo continued to be the best player on the court as he submitted 20 points, 11 rebounds, six assists and five steals. Ray Allen added 18 points and Big Baby Glen Davis had a fine all-around game: 14 points, nine rebounds, six assists, six steals and three blocks.

Perhaps the most impressive part of this contest was Stephon Marbury, who had his best game in a Celtics uniform. The head-tatooed one had 13 points, five assists and zero turnovers.

The Bulls looked like the team that went 41-41 in the regular season. Ben Gordon led the way with 15 points but he was nothing like the guy in Game 2. Kirk Hinrich and John Salmons both scored 14 points. After collecting the Rookie of the Year trophy, Derrick Rose was a non-factor for the second straight game. Rose had nine points and seven turnovers as the Celts have started to figure him out while Rondo is running circles around the entire team.

The vaunted Celtics defense (which led the NBA in opponents field goal percentage) held Chicago to 37.5% shooting while they made 48.1%. Boston made 12-of-21 3-pointers and the Bulls missed 10 free throws (17-of-27). Boston had nine more assists (23-14), 11 more steals (16-5) and six more blocks (10-4). In short, they looked like the polished, experienced veteran team while Chicago couldn't get out of its own way.

I would term Sunday a must-win for Chicago. If they go down 3-1 to Boston, it's over. End of story.

Thanks for the memories Montreal

It's rare to see a playoff series that's over in two games but that much was clear in the Bruins-Canadiens first round series. Boston was a much better team and they lived up to their talent and smarts as they swept away the Habs with a 4-1 victory last night at the Bell Centre.

Who better to play a starring role in the sweep than former Montreal forward Michael Ryder? He led the Bruins with two goals and an assist last night (four goals and three assists in the series). David Krejci had a goal and assist, Phil Kessel added the other goal and Tim Thomas made 26 saves for his fourth straight playoff win.

This marked Boston's first playoff series win in 10 years, as they erased five straight losses in the first round (including three to Monreal).

It couldn't have been a better start for the Habs in game 4 as Andrei Kostitsyn scored 39 seconds into the game from Saku Koivu and Alex Kovalev.

Didn't matter one bit. This isn't the Bruins of recent ilk. They don't get rattled, even in a playoff road game against a team facing elimination.

Ryder tied it up with 2:33 left in the first period as ancient defenseman Roman Hamrlik coughed up the puck right in front of his terrible goalie, Carey Price.

Even better, the B's grabbed a 2-1 lead with 35 seconds left as Ryder and Krejci worked a perfect give-and-go. Ryder stole the puck, drove to the net which drew Price (26 saves) then dished across the crease to Krejci, who had a wide open net.

For all intents and purposes, Kessel ended it as he scored on a breakaway after he came out of the penalty box. Patrice Bergeron hit him with an indirect pass off the side wall and Kessel skated in alone.

Finally, Ryder lit the lamp one last time from Krejci and Dennis Wideman.

This is a perfect scenario for Boston as they get as much time off as possible before their next series. The New York Rangers are actually up 3-1 on the Capitals. If the Rangers can finish off Washington, it would eliminate the biggest obstacle in the Eastern Conference for the Bruins.

And thus ends one of the best days in recent memory

I'll be honest. After living at home for roughly two and a half years, there's been many times that I've been on the verge of losing my mind. I would like to move out before age 40 but a combination of low-paying jobs and a great situation with my parents makes it hard to leave the nest. Besides their support, one thing more than any other reason has kept me happy and sane for the past few years: the dominance of Boston sports teams.

I know when I'm old, I'll be telling my kids, grandkids and other random people at the bingo hall about this special time. It is ridiculous. And yesterday was a perfect example as the Sox swept the Orioles, the Bruins went up 3-0 on Montreal and the defending champion Celtics won a thrilling 118-115 game to even their series with the Bulls, 1-1.

It was an unbelievable game featuring some ridiculous individual performances: Ben Gordon scored a game-high 42 points for the Bulls. Rajon Rondo rolled his ankle and still had a triple-double: 19 points, 16 assists, 12 rebounds and five steals. Ray Allen came back from the dead (2 points in the first half after 4 points in Game 1) to finish with 30 points, including the two biggest hoops of the game (two 3-pointers; one with 20 seconds left that put Boston up 1 and then the clincher with two seconds left). Finally, Glen Davis looked like Kevin Garnett (haha, for one night) as he hit jumpers from all over the place, en route to a career-high 26 points and nine rebounds.

In such a wide-open, offensive game, Chicago had other notable stat lines. John Salmons added 17 points. Brad Miller had 16 points and nine rebounds off the bench. Joakim Noah notched 13 points, eight rebounds and four blocks and Derrick Rose was held to 10 points, seven assists and six rebounds.

Boston featured 18 points and eight boards from the Captain, Paul Pierce. The Bulls blocked a team-record 14 shots but Celts center Kendrick Perkins did a great job using his bulk inside over the slimmer, athletic Bulls. Perk had 16 points and 12 rebounds.

Chicago made nine more free throws (26-17) but Boston owned the glass (50-36; including a 21-8 advantage on offensive boards).

These first two games have been classics so who knows what to expect as the series moves to Chicago starting Thursday night.

The Canadiens are a joke, end of story

I hate to generalize but in Canada, is there anything else to do besides hockey and other winter sports? Don't get me wrong, I have a creepy spot in my heart for the adorable Avril Lavigne and Pamela Anderson has a special part in my adolescent memories. Regardless, it's extremely gratifying to see the Boston Bruins embarrass Canada's favorite team.

The B's went into the Bell Centre last night and withstood everything the desperate Canadiens threw at them. Boston won game 3, 4-2 and look to end this series tomorrow night back at the Bell Centre.

Admittedly, Montreal came out flying in the first period, hitting every Bruin that touched the ice. They even grabbed their first lead of the first three games when Christopher Higgins took a snap shot that B's goalie Tim Thomas (23 saves) would probably like to have back.

Phil Kessel tied it up for the B's with 1:25 left in the first period when he tipped home Dennis Wideman's innocent shot.

Boston tough guy Shawn Thornton put his team up 2-1 after some fine work by his line and assists from Byron Bitz (playing for the suspended Milan Lucic) and Stephane Yelle.

After Glen Metropolit won a face-off, Habs defenseman Yannick Weber whipped another shot past Thomas that he would stop on most nights.

Michael Ryder provided the game-winner late in the second period as he (stop me if you've heard this) banged home a juicy rebound from Montreal goalie Carey Price (26 saves).

Chuck Kobasew clinched it with an empty-netter with 37 seconds left.

Expect more of the same in game 4 as the Canadiens will try anything possible to extend the series. Barring some crazy, the Bruins should wrap this up with a sweep, they're that much better and poised.

Sorry McNulty, the Orioles are still hopeless

The Patriots Day, morning/early afternoon Red Sox game at Fenway is a special tradition. Other than college, weddings and bachelor parties, when else do you have a legitimate excuse to drink in public before noon?

The Baltimore Orioles (6-7) played the role of punching bag to a T as the Birds lost 12-1 yesterday. The Sox (7-6) swept the four-game series and also won their fifth game in a row.

Starting for the injured Dice-K, Justin Masterson continued to prove why he's a much-less crazy but much-more talented Julian Tavarez. Starter, reliever, it doesn't matter. The guy can pitch.

Masterson got his first win of the season after lasting 5.1 innings. He gave up a run on four hits with two walks and three strikeouts. His plus sinker was supplemented with a 96 MPH fastball (that moved all over the plate).

Boston's offense teed off on O's starter Mark Hendrickson (3 runs) and stiff relievers Dennis Sarfate (3 runs) and Radhames Liz (6 runs), who was sent down after that woeful performance.

The Sox pounded out 15 hits and a season-high 12 runs. Dustin Pedroia led the way with four hits, three runs and three RBIs. Jacoby Ellsbury added three hits, three runs, an RBI and a stolen base. David Ortiz (double, triple, 2 RBIs), Mike Lowell (2 hits, 2 RBIs) and Jason Varitek (2 hits including a homer and 2 runs) were the other leaders on Marathon Monday.

The Minnesota Twins come to Fenway for two games beginning tonight, weather permitting.

The Bruins laugh at your impotency

In a total reversal of last season's first round of the playoffs, the Boston Bruins are the much more skilled, deep team while the Montreal Canadiens are left scrambling to do anything in their power to disrupt the B's.

In game two last night at the Garden, Boston put forth a nearly flawless game en route to a 5-1 white-washing of the Canadiens.

Boston takes a 2-0 lead to Montreal tomorrow night, a virtual must-win for the Habs.

It is hilarious to watch the not-tough-at-all Canadiens skate around and try to goad the Bruins into pointless fights. The third period might as well have been skipped in game two since Boston led 5-1 after two periods and Montreal yanked its shaky young goalie Carey Price (who looks like Euro trash).

The Bruins scored three power-play goals and used 30 saves from Tim Thomas to easily skate away with the win. Marc Savard led the way with two goals and two assists.

9:59 into the contest, Savard connected on a power-play with help from Steve Montador and Phil Kessel.

Chuck Kobasew made it 2-0 a little over five minutes later with a goal off assists from Mark Recchi and Patrice Bergeron.

Montreal has one good line (its first one) and they fucked that up in game one by putting goon Georges Laraque on it with Alex Kovalev and Saku Koivu. Genius. They're forced to play a Flyers-style, chippy game but you can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit as a wise man once said.

They simply can't match the Bruins depth and variety of scoring threats and Price (21 saves) can't keep them in the game by himself.

Kovalev scored his second of the series to open the second period. That was as close as the Canadiens would get as the Bruins put home three goals in less than 15 minutes.

Shane Hnidy, in the lineup after Matt Hunwick had his spleen removed, scored a rare goal from P.J. Axelsson and Savard. On a power-play, Savard fired home a nice wrister from in close on Price. Michael Ryder and Dennis Wideman assisted. Finally, Ryder put the icing on cake as he scored another power-play strike, with two seconds left in the second period. Savard and Thomas, who started the play with a long outlet pass, were credited with the assists.

The third period was all about fights. The biggest surprise of the night was when Patrice Bergeron threw down with Josh Gorges of the Canadiens. Bergeron had never received a fighting major in the NHL and his greenness showed as he puched Gorges in the throat. Still, you had to love the fire from the normally mild-mannered center.

Milan Lucic had also had enough of Montreal's bullshit as he cross-checked Maxim Lapierre in the face, a penalty which earned him a game-misconduct.

Hopefully a good amount of Bruins fans show up in Montreal tomorrow night as Boston tries to put away this woefully overmatched team.

Derrick Rose's pube moustache will kill us all

When the news came out on Thursday that Kevin Garnett would most likely be out for the playoffs, Celtics fans were understandably bummed. Boston delivered a title last season so we can't feel shortchanged but going into the postseason at less than full strength (in this case, much less) isn't any fun.

Still, who could have imagined the Chicago Bulls would come into the Garden yesterday for game one and beat the C's, 105-103 in overtime?

I think most assumed the Celts would get by the Bulls and possibly the Magic before ultimately falling to the Cavs in the Eastern Conference Finals, a noble feat. This was only one game but yikes. We could bow out in one round as the baby Bulls bear a striking resemblance to the Atlanta Hawks of last spring's playoffs (the one that pushed the Celtics to seven games).

Rookie point guard Derrick Rose was the story of the game as the 20-year old dropped a career-high 36 points, 11 assists and four rebounds before fouling out late in OT. Take nothing away from the kid (who has serious game) but as my friend said last night, it was a layup line for him virtually all day.

Garnett's defensive presence and energy were sorely missed as Boston struggled to find itself. Rajon Rondo (29 points, 9 rebounds, 7 assists) did everything he could and Paul Pierce added 23 points and seven rebounds. Scoring wasn't the problem for most of the C's as Glen Davis tossed in 18 points and Kendrick Perkins notched 14 points and eight rebounds. The most troubling thing for Boston besides the lack of D was the disappearance of the artist formerly known as Ray Allen.

After being non-existent in the first two rounds last spring, Allen found his stroke vs. the Pistons and Lakers, en route to the title. He had a better regular season this year so his struggles last year seemed to be a distant memory. Not yesterday. Allen was 1-of-12 from the floor and he finished with four points.

Even though they were outplayed most of the game, Boston had a chance to win at the end of regulation; Pierce tied it with a free throw but missed the second that would have put them up by one. Later, Allen got the last shot in OT that would have tied it. A good look no doubt, but did anyone in the building (other than Doc and maybe Ray) think Allen's jumper was going in? Didn't think so.

Ben Gordon looked like a younger, more potent Ray Allen as he hit some big shots, on his way to 20 points. Tyrus Thomas, who suddenly has a decent jumper, added 16 points, six rebounds and three blocks while clown-prince Joakim Noah had a double-double (11 points, 17 rebounds) and three blocks. Finally, John Salmons scored 12 points.

Both teams scored 28 points in the first quarter and Chicago outscored Boston 25-16 in the second quarter. A good sign for Boston is that they erased the deficit almost immediately in the third (28-18). The Bulls had a slight advantage in the fourth (26-25) and OT (8-6).

Did I mention Chicago earned this W? Look at the numbers: Chicago shot 42.7% to Boston's 39.4%. The Bulls grabbed eight more boards (53-45) and handed out four more assists (20-16).

Tomorrow night is basically a must-win for the C's. Chicago has already taken away the home-court advantage so needless to say, they can't go to the Chi down 0-2.