If You Need Me Today, I'll Be Driving Ryan Mallett to the Airport

I haven't looked lately but I'm pretty sure that if you opened a dictionary to either the world "useless" or "stiff", you'd see a picture of quarterback Ryan Mallett. That's why I'm so happy that after months and months of endless rumors, that bum is finally being shipped off to the Houston Texans for the pittance of a conditional sixth or seventh-round draft pick in 2016 (sure to be used on some scrub from Rutgers).

Mallett was a third-round pick (74th overall) in 2011 so this was the fourth year that he'd been in New England, with the last three serving as Tom Brady's main backup. Rather than improve year-to-year and develop at all, he only seemed to get worse the few times we saw him every August in JV preseason games. When the Pats drafted Jimmy Garoppolo in the second-round this spring (62nd overall) out of Eastern Illinois, it was obvious that Mallett's days in Foxborough were numbered.

After watching Garoppolo quickly surpass Mallett in training camp and in the preseason games, the only question left to answer was if the Patriots would be able to fleece some stupid team into trading for Mallett rather than just waiting for him to be released (which he would have been, no question). For his career's sake, Mallett is going to a much better situation. Houston is in full rebuilding mode, as evidenced by having Harvard's Ryan Fitzpatrick as their starting quarterback. Plus their head coach is former Patriots offensive coordinator Bill O'Brien who must see something in him.

If Mallett never does anything with the Texans, that will probably be it in terms of his time in the NFL. I've always said that he's a poor man's Drew Bledsoe and in 2014, that's not a compliment. He probably would have been good in the 80s or 90s with his throwback style (big, strong arm, bad feet) but it was clear that today's modern quarterback is all about making quick decisions and being mobile enough to make some happen should a play breakdown.

Brady and Peyton Manning are the dinosaurs in this game which is why odds are Mallett will never contribute something of note now that he's outside the comfort zone of a winning organization. There won't be anymore Patriots bobos and honks in the media to prop up his trade value with silly talk of him really turning the corner every summer. Nope, this is it for him and frankly, I'm thrilled to say so long. Should disaster strike the Patriots in 2014 (or the next few), I'm much more confident that Garoppolo at least could deliver some hope that the season won't be flushed down the toilet immediately.

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Patriots Finally Get a Legitimate Backup QB: Jimmy Garoppolo

We all know that Ryan Mallett is horrible and will never be a starter in the NFL. Also, Tom Brady turns 37 in August so while he's still playing at a very high level and signed through 2017, it's time to start thinking about the future as well since Mallett's contract runs out this year and there are rumors of Houston wanting him. The Pats showed their true intentions tonight in this most important department by using a second-round pick (62nd overall) on Eastern Illinois' Jimmy Garoppolo.

I actually saw him in a couple games since I love watching the FCS playoffs but I'm not going to be able to dissect his game like I'm Mel Kiper or local homeboy Tood McShay. This is what we know: he's relatively big (6-foot-3, 222 pounds), mobile with a good arm and he won the Walter Payton Award (the Heisman for FCS players). I was hoping that the Patriots would select Alabama QB A.J. McCarron and not just so I could ogle that smokeshow Katherine Webb, he seemed like a perfect fit. Still, Garoppolo is intriguing and the good news is that he might only be the third quarterback this season so he has plenty of time to learn the playbook and get used to life in the NFL.

None of us want to admit it or really think about it (for obvious reasons) but at some point, Brady won't be New England's starting quarterback anymore. Odds are that day isn't too far away so the sooner the Patriots address this the better. As I said, the limited amount that we've seen Mallett in the preseason is enough to show that he's a complete stiff. A very poor man's Drew Bledsoe if you will: huge, cannon arm, not mobile at all and really slow to get rid of the ball. Brady and Peyton Manning are the outliers in today's NFL. You need a quarterback these days that can at least move a little bit so in that regard, Garoppolo could be the guy somewhere down the road. Stay tuned.

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Patriots Certainly Know How To Spice Up The Offseason: By Signing Tim Tebow

Nobody would ever question the NFL's status as the most popular sport in the United States. Still, a reminder every once in a while is always important. Two days before the Bruins meet the Blackhawks in Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals and while the Red Sox have the best record in the American League, the Patriots stole all the local and even headlines this afternoon with one simple move: reportedly signing Tim Tebow.

In many ways, we should have seen this coming for years (Tebow has been in the NFL since 2010). New England head coach Bill Belichick went to dinner with Tebow before the 2010 Draft and even though the Pats didn't end up taking him, Belichick has always been enamored with Tebow's intangibles. There is no more polarizing figure in pro sports than Tebow, you either love him or hate him. There really is no in between with him.

The good news is that unlike his last stop-the Jets-the Patriots are the exact opposite franchise in terms of winning, stability, direction and purpose. Yes it will be a media frenzy the first time he shows up at minicamp tomorrow and during training camp in August (assuming he makes it that far) but eventually New England will shut it down in terms of non-stop ESPN hype I mean coverage. Keep in mind this is all forgotten if he's gone before the regular season starts in September.

Since he can't throw, Tebow's role in the NFL has always been up in the air. Know it alls like to say that he could play tight end and the Jets traded two draft picks for him although they ended up just using him as a punt protector and in very predictable running plays. Tom Brady is still one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL so he won't feel any additional pressure from Tebow, a guy that supposedly couldn't get any other offers after the Jets released him.

As flawed as he is, I still think Tebow is a better quarterback than untested and unproven Ryan Mallett. Tebow took Denver to the playoffs in his first season as a starter (2011) and they upset Pittsburgh before getting blown out in New England-ironically his last start. At the time, Denver's head coach was Josh McDaniels who is now the Patriots' offensive coordinator. He obviously saw something in him to draft him 25th overall in 2010 (way higher than he was projected).

Studying a couple years behind Brady wouldn't be a bad thing. We all hate to think about it but at some point, Brady will retire and the Pats need to think of a successor. Tebow is a winner, a great teammate and a leader. Those are all good qualities to have and who knows, maybe being in a better environment like the Patriots will allow his career to get back on track. It's a no-lose situation for the Patriots since they'll pay him peanuts on a team friendly deal and Belichick can look like a genius again if he gets anything out of Tebow. Conversely, if he stinks then they can say they tried and dump him without any issues.

Belichick has always been tight with Tebow's head coach at Florida-Urban Meyer-and having two former teammates-Aaron Hernandez and Brandon Spikes-in the locker room should help him quickly adjust to this very different culture here.

UPDATE 6/11: ESPN's Adam Schefter reports it is a two-year deal for Tebow with no guaranteed money.

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Patriots Say Goodbye To Ty Warren, Alge Crumpler, Nick Kaczur And Others

It is basically impossible to keep up with all the moves the New England Patriots are making this week. I realize that's how it is with all NFL teams right now but it's hard to compare the last 36 hours in Pats history to any other time.

Yesterday, they added Albert Haynesworth and Chad Ochocinco. Today, they cut seven players including Ty Warren, Alge Crumpler and Nick Kazcur. CB Tony Carter, DL Marcus Stroud, undrafted rookie LB Ryan Coulson and LB Tully Banta-Cain (which we already knew) were also given their pink slips.

Warren is the most shocking loss since he missed all of the 2010 season with a hip injury but he was back in camp yesterday ready to go. I guess visions of a 4-3 with him, Vince Wilfork, Haynesworth and Mike Wright will never materialize.

Warren was a first-round pick in 2003 who played a key role on both the 2003 and 2004 Super Bowl teams. He started 92 of 105 games. A consummate pro, he was well respected on and off the field and he should have a few more good seasons left in him.

Kaczur spent six seasons with the Pats after being drafted in the third round of the 2005 draft. After starting 62 of 68 games, he also missed the bulk of last season with injuries. He's most famous for getting busted for drugs a few years ago.

A Pro Bowler from 2003-06 with Atlanta, Crumpler played one season with the Patriots and even served as a captain, making six catches for 52 yards and two touchdowns although he caught a possible touchdown in the playoff loss against the Jets. He was a great veteran leader for rookies Aaron Hernandez and Rob Gronkowski to follow last season. My guess is they'll pick up another older tight end since those aren't too hard to come by especially at this time of year.

Stroud was signed in March after playing in Buffalo so never played with the Patriots. He was a Pro Bowler from 2003-05 with the Jaguars.

Carter played in two games last season, while Coulson was an undrafted free agent rookie out of Nevada.

In addition to those subtractions, the Patriots signed rookie quarterback Ryan Mallett (third-round pick) and rookie offensive lineman Marcus Cannon (fifth-round pick). Terms were not disclosed for both who are intriguing prospects long-term. If nothing else, the Pats can build up their value and eventually trade them away to a needy team.

Mallett set a school record with 3,869 passing yards in 2010 for Arkansas. He had 69 TD passes and 24 interception in a college career split between Michigan and Arkansas.

Cannon played left tackle as a senior at TCU after playing on the right side. He didn't allow a sack in his final two seasons in college.

Finally, Kyle Arrington agreed to a 2-year deal worth up to $3.275 million. A minor deal for a guy that's decent depth help for the Patriots secondary.

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