Patriots Survive Crapfest 23-16, Mostly Because They Were Playing The Hapless Jaguars

The less time spent talking about this afternoon's brutal 23-16 Patriots win against the Jaguars at EverBank Field in Jacksonville, the better. If you didn't see any or even some of this one, I'm jealous of you. I feel like I need a cold shower to wash away the filth from viewing this.

Patrick Chung's (2 interceptions) interception in the end zone sealed a win that was way closer than it should have been for the Patriots. It is not hyperbole to say that if they were playing pretty much any other team in the NFL than Jacksonville, they would have lost. Oh well, I guess it was the predictable letdown/trap game after primetime matchups with the Texans and Niners in consecutive weeks.

New England (11-4, 6-2 away) spotted the Jaguars a 10-0 lead in the first quarter but after Jacksonville (2-13, 1-7 home) went up 13-3 early in the second quarter, it all went to shit for the team that is currently tied with the Chiefs (2-13) for the worst record in the NFL.

With all the guys that they sat with "injuries" or moved around, it appeared that the Patriots didn't have much interest in winning this game when it kicked off. However, maybe once they realized that Houston was losing (they fell 23-6 to Minnesota), they remembered that they were still able to get the No. 1 or 2 seed in the AFC. Hey, we all lose our minds at some point or another during the holidays.

Former Dolphins great Chad Henne (29 of 51, 348 yards, 1 TD, 3 INTs) picked the Patriots apart in the first quarter but he soon regressed to the awful quarterback that he's always been. Conversely, Tom Brady (24 of 41, 267 yards, 2 TDs, 2 INTs) threw two early interceptions but then he settled down and began to find plenty of holes in Jacksonville's awful defense.

Stevan Ridley (18 carries, 84 yards) ran well after his bobble led to Brady's first interception. Wes Welker (10 catches, 88 yards on 12 targets) was Brady's main target as always while Brandon Lloyd (6 catches, 62 yards on 12 targets) came back to Earth after his huge game vs. San Francisco and Aaron Hernandez (1 catch, 13 yards on 5 targets) was M.I.A. all game. It goes without saying that the Pats really miss Rob Gronkowski and he can't return soon enough, maybe next week?

University of Maine product Montell Owens (77 yards receiving; 42 yards rushing) made the most of his rare start while Jordan Shipley (5 catch, 82 yards on 10 targets) and Justin Blackmon (7 catch, 79 yards on 12 targets) took advantage of a depleted secondary for New England with no Alfonzo Dennard and a banged up Aqib Talib.

Blackmon caught a 3-yard touchdown to give Jacksonville a 7-0 lead and Josh Scobee's 41-yard field goal made it 10-0 in the first quarter. Stephen Gostkowski's 25-yard field goal got New England on the board late in the first quarter.

Scobee added a 35-yard field goal before the Patriots finally woke up. Gostkowski drilled a 49-yard field goal and Brady hit Danny Woodhead with a 14-yard touchdown pass with 18 seconds left in the first half to improbably tie it at 13.

Gostkowski's 38-yard field goal in the third quarter was the only score of the frame as both defenses settled in and each offense sputtered. Welker's 3-yard touchdown catch put New England up by 10 (23-13) and that was just enough for them to hold on. Scobee had a 42-yard field goal but Henne couldn't complete the comeback at the end. Story of his life.

Marquice Cole (6 solo tackles, 2 tackles for loss, pass defensed) had his first interception as a Patriot while Dont'a Hightower (6 tackles, 4 solo, sack, tackle for loss, pass defensed, quarterback hit) had one of his best games of the season. Kyle Arrington (7 solo tackles, tackle for loss) also played well in extended action for him.

The 2012 regular season ends next Sunday with the Patriots hosting the Dolphins (7-8) at Gillette Stadium (4:25 p.m., CBS). New England is currently the No. 3 seed in the AFC but they can move up if either Houston or Denver lose. That's what we have to root for, the Pats could even jump to No. 1 if both lose but that probably won't happen with Denver hosting Kansas City (Texans are at Colts).

The game means plenty so I would expect that almost all the healthy Patriots will play. The difference between a bye and having to play during Wild Card weekend is enormous so they should go all out to ensure that they win. Miami isn't going anywhere and they are not great by any means but they'll make it competitive mostly because their defense is above average.

UPDATE 12/24: The Patriots made a bunch of roster moves involving guys you probably have never heard of. They released fullback James Develin and wide receiver Kamar Aiken from the 53-man roster. They also released wide receiver/punt returner Tony Logan and offensive lineman Jeremiah Warren from the practice squad.

New England also received a one-week exemption for Jermaine Cunningham after his four-game suspension ended yesterday. They have a week to activate him to the roster, which they are expected to do. As it stands now, the Patriots have two open roster spots.

UPDATE 12/25: Aiken and Develin both cleared waivers today, meaning they are now free agents. The Patriots have three open slots on their practice squad and both retain practice squad eligibility so look for at least one of them to stick around Foxborough.

UPDATE 12/26: Today, the Patriots signed three guys to the practice squad: Aiken, Develin and cornerback Cyhl Quarles. You're obviously familiar with Aiken and Develin while Quarles spent two plus weeks on New England's practice squad earlier this season.

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Another Season, Another Bunch Of New Records Already For The Patriots

There are very few things you can count on in life like the greatness of Tom Brady.

Sure it makes you sound like a Patriots honk but sometimes you just have to sit back and say "wow, I'm damn lucky to have seen this guy play in his prime."

The 2011 season started for Brady and the New England Patriots tonight at Sun Life Stadium against the Miami Dolphins and it was a memorable one. Brady set a Monday Night Football and franchise record with 517 yards passing (32 for 48, 4 TDs, 1 INT) as the Pats pulled away in the second half for a 38-24 win.

Miami (0-1) hung around for a while as quarterback Chad Henne (30 for 49, 416 yards passing, 2 TDs, 1 INT; 59 yards rushing) had the best game of his career. Typical to being Chad Henne, it still wasn't good enough although to be fair, it was mostly his defense's fault.

In a lot of ways, this was the perfect opener for Bill Belichick. The Patriots (1-0) went on the road and picked up a divisional win against a team that usually gives them problems at home. New England's offense was almost flawless but on the other side of the ball, their defense was way too vulnerable to a pretty average Dolphins offense.

No surprise, with the fifth-most passing yards in NFL history, a bunch of Patriots receivers had monster games. Wes Welker led the way with eight catches for 160 yards, Aaron Hernandez had seven catches for 103 yards, Deion Branch had seven catches for 93 yards and Rob Gronkowski had seven catches for 86 yards. Things were so silly that Matthew Slater made his first NFL catch and it was for 46 yards!

It was interesting to note that Branch still appears to be Brady's most reliable guy not named Welker in the receiving corps. Chad Ochocinco had a very quiet Patriots debut, he only had one catch for 14 yards. He needs to pick it up as the season progresses.

Brandon Marshall led the Dolphins with seven catches for 139 yards. Davone Bess had five catches for 92 yards and Anthony Fasano added five catches for 82 yards.

What will probably go down as the highlight of Miami's season was their very first drive of 2011. They held the ball for over seven minutes and Henne scored on a 9-yard quarterback draw (has to be the first of his life). Typical of the Dolphins after a big celebration, it was all downhill from there.

BenJarvus Green-Ellis and New England answered on their first drive as they went right down the field and the Law Firm punched it in with a 4-yard run.

It was tied at 7 after the first quarter and the Patriots went ahead 14-7 with the only touchdown of the second quarter: a 10-yard pass from Brady to Gronk.

On the first drive of the second half, Dolphins defensive end Jared Odrick intercepted a deflected pass by Brady (intended for Julian Edelman on a bubble screen) and returned it 39 yards into the red zone. To Miami's credit, they tied it up at 14 as Brian Hartline hauled in a 10-yard touchdown pass from Henne. That's when New England seemed to pick up the intensity a notch. Welker scored his first touchdown of the game (a 2-yard grab) to give them a 21-14 lead.

For once, the Pats' defense stepped up and held the Dolphins to a 20-yard field goal by Dan Carpenter (cutting it to 21-17) in a subsequent red zone chance.

By that time, Brady's no-huddle attack had the Dolphins completely warn out. They couldn't catch their breath and as a result, they couldn't stop anything that Brady and Co. did. After getting stopped at the 1-yard line following a 30-yard catch and run, Hernandez got another crack at it as Brady went right back to him on the next play for a 1-yard touchdown pass. New England led 28-17 after three quarters.

Stephen Gostkowski missed a 48-yard kick (his first attempt of the season) at the end of the first half but he atoned for it with a 20-yard kick early in the fourth quarter. The highlight of the contest by far was New England's last score: a 99-yard bomb from Brady to Welker. Brady was in the shotgun (in the end zone) when he took the snap and Welker had one-on-one coverage. After throwing it, Miami's safety on that side took a bad angle and whiffed (hi Big Bang Clock), that allowed Welker to catch it and all he needed was one minor stiff arm to create separation.

For fantasy football fans, Reggie Bush (56 yards receiving, 38 yards rushing) made sure his night wasn't completely forgettable as he tacked on a 2-yard touchdown catch in garbage time. Danny Woodhead led the Pats with 14 carries for 69 yards.

Kyle Arrington picked off Henne on the last play of the game, a fitting reminder that this was still Henne. Devin McCourty (11 tackles, 10 solo, 1 tackle for loss, 2 passes deflected) had a busy night since he was matched up with Marshall. Patrick Chung (9 tackles), Mark Anderson and Andre Carter all recorded sacks while Myron Pryor and Vince Wilfork shared one. New England will need to get much more pressure when the games are still close.

The one major injury (that we know of so far) for New England is center Dan Koppen went down with an ankle injury in the first half. He was on crutches on the sidelines and based on the look of the play, I'm saying he has a broken ankle. Dan Connolly played center with Koppen out; he did a fine job but that's something to worry about moving forward since Koppen is one of the NFL's best.

The Patriots come home to face the San Diego Chargers (1-0) on Sunday (4:15 p.m.) at Gillette Stadium. My best guess is that it will be a shootout since Philip Rivers and the Chargers can put up points with the best of them. Let's see what changes Belichick and his assistant coaches can implement to this leaky defense; the offense already appears to be in midseason form.

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Neither the Dolphins nor myself saw that one coming

Nobody, not even the biggest Pats footie pajamas fanboy, could have possibly seen last night's Pats blowout of the Dolphins coming.

It was Monday Night Football in Miami and after losing to the Jets (3-1) on Sunday night, the Dolphins (2-2) figured to bounce back.

Miami led 7-6 at the half but the Patriots (3-1) exploded for 35 points in the second half, on the way to a 41-14 thrashing that completely changed the complexion of the AFC East (for one week at least).

In the process, New England became the first team in NFL history to record a touchdown catch, touchdown run, interception for a touchdown, a blocked field goal for a touchdown and kickoff return for a touchdown.

Obviously, the special teams were the difference, giving every football coach in the world a pants tent since that's something they harp about ad nauseum.

The biggest stars last night? Patrick Chung, Rob Ninkovich, BenJarvus Green-Ellis, Danny Woodhead, Brandon Tate and Jerod Mayo. And yes, this is real life.

When the game started, Miami looked like they were going to run over New England, literally. The Pats defense continued to play like they were wearing ice skates as Chad Henne (302 yards, 2 touchdowns, 3 interceptions) threw a 19-yard touchdown pass to Davone Bess (9 catches, 93 yards).

Ninkovich made two picks, one late in the first quarter and the other in the second quarter, that were converted into two field goals by Stephen Gostkowski: 23-yard and 30-yard kicks.

Brandon Tate took the opening kick of the second half and completely changed the game by returning it 103 yards for his second return touchdown of the season.

That 13-7 lead morphed into 20-7 a few minutes later as Green-Ellis (16 carries, 76 yards) ran up the middle 12 yards for the touchdown. It was all set up by Chung, who blocked a punt that was scooped up by Brandon Spikes at the Dolphins' 15-yard line.

Miami seemed to respond as the ageless Ricky Williams ran a screen pass in for a 28-yard touchdown.

Tom Brady (153 yards, 1 touchdown, 0 interceptions) and the offense got the job done on the next drive, as he eventually found Woodhead for a 11-yard touchdown pass.

It got much worse for the Dolphins in the fourth quarter as Dan Carpenter's 54-yard field goal was blocked by Chung and picked up by Kyle Arrington, who returned it 35 yards for the touchdown. Game over, it was 34-14 New England.

Finally, Chung capped off his career night with a 51-yard interception return for a score off of Henne. Once again, Henne was exposed for the fraud he is. I should have known better, I saw him enough at Michigan to realize that he'll never be better than average but I bought into the Dolphins.

Mark Sanchez is better than Henne and the Jets are better than the Pats and Dolphins. Fact not opinion as Mike Felger has famously said a million times.

The post-script from the game are some interesting stats: Randy Moss didn't have a catch for the first time in his Patriots career. Wes Welker had eight catches for 70 yards, including a vital third-down conversion. Mayo looked awesome, making 14 solo tackles and two assists. Also, Ninkovich had a sack in what Mike Tirico called "the best night of his football life."

Now we have two weeks to all jump back on the Pats bandwagon and feel the love. The schedule gets particularly hard after the bye week since they host Baltimore then go to San Diego.

For one night though, Belichick and Brady were pumped up on the sidelines as the game wound down and this season has much more hope and potential.

It's time like this when you have to say, boy do the Patriots suck

If you could tell a few weeks ago that the Patriots were about to blow up, you're a more perceptive person than me.

The loss to Indy was obviously devastating and getting embarrassed by the Saints didn't help anything but losing 22-21 to a pretty average Dolphins team (without Ronnie Brown) yesterday afternoon was downright depressing.

Now the Patriots (7-5) sit just one game ahead of Miami (6-6) and the Jets (6-6), two shitbum teams that have no business even thinking about the playoffs but here we are.

Yesterday's loss had all the similar ingredients to every one of New England's other road losses this season. Did you know they haven't won a true road game yet this year? The new rule is they go for it on fourth down regardless of score or situation. The offense completely disappears in the second half and the defense can't make one noteworthy stop against scrubs like Chad Henne (335 yards, 2 touchdowns, 1 interception) since they have absolutely no pass rush. Also, our red zone attack is pathetic.

Oh and Tom Brady (352 yards, 2 touchdowns, 2 interceptions) makes a couple uncharacteristic mistakes based on the fact that our offense is completely predictable, without a running game and basically revolves around Wes Welker (10 catches, 167 yards).

Other than his 58-yard TD catch to start the game, Randy Moss was invisible (2 catches, 66 yards).

Kevin Faulk's 6-yard run gave New England a 14-0 lead in the second quarter before Miami slowly started to chip away at our lead which you knew the Pats wouldn't hold.

First Davone Bess scored a 13-yard touchdown, the first of his career which is surprising because we made him look like a hall of famer yesterday (10 catches, 117 yards).

Dan Carpenter's 29-yard field goal with a second left in the first half cut the Patriots' lead to 14-10.

After a Dolphins three and out, New England had its final highlight of the day: a ridiculous 81-yard catch and run by Sam Aiken. Brady just threw it up in a crowd on the sideline and somehow Aiken came down with it, kept his balance then sprinted for the score.

Carpenter's 24-yard field goal made it 21-13 in the third quarter before Brian Hartline caught a 7-yard pass in the corner of the end zone from Henne. The Dolphins missed the two-point conversion but two things were clear: 1) they'd score again and 2) New England probably would not.

Therefore Carpenter's 41-yard kick with 1:02 left was no surprise. New England got the ball back but Brady promptly threw a bad pick to Channing Crowder when he was being taken down and that was that.

The Patriots have four more games: vs. Panthers, at Bills, vs. Jaguars, at Texans. It's a very winnable final four games but after yesterday's mess, who knows if this team can do anything anymore. They look lost and broken.