WAIT WHAT? Gronk Comes Out of Retirement (bye bye WWE) & Gets Traded to Tampa Bay

Somehow in the crazy reality that we call 2020, the greatest tight end in NFL history (521 catches for 7861 yards and 79 TDs in 115 career regular season games; 81 catches for 1163 yards and 12 TDs in 16 career playoff games) coming out of retirement and getting traded to the Buccaneers only makes perfect sense. Yup, former Patriot superstar and future Hall of Famer Rob Gronkowski is leaving his brief spell in the WWE (rough week for Vince McMahon between this and the XFL folding), hawking CBD oils and hosting New Year's Eve specials along with being on "The Masked Singer" to give it one last go-around with Tampa Bay. A few years ago, Gronk famously said that he'd only play with Brady after he balked at a reported deal the Pats had in place to ship him to Siberia I mean Detroit in 2018. Now the soon-to-be 31-year-old lug gets traded to the Bucs along with a seventh-round draft pick for a fourth-round pick.

At first blush, it's alarming that all New England could get for a once in a lifetime player like Gronkowski is a fourth-round pick but then again, he last played in Super Bowl 53 (13-3 win vs. Rams). It seemed like the right time to step away from the brutal game of pro football and who would ever blame Gronk of all people because he's had countless serious injuries (concussions, knees, leg, back, arm, etc) since he was drafted by Bill Belichick in 2010 (2nd round, 42nd overall). Seeing him turn into the Shaq of football in terms of saying yes to every half-ass marketing opportunity got tiresome along with his constant hints of making what felt like an inevitable comeback like this after he waffled his way into an extended siesta.

The fact that Belichick basically ran off both the greatest quarterback and tight end will always be a painful what if for Pats fans (not that we ever have anything to complain about after 6 Super Bowl victories) especially when their eventual "Last Dance" documentary series gets put together (budding documentary directors around the country are currently writing crappy scripts as we speak). As I keep saying in these Patriots posts lately, let's just hope that there is a 2020 NFL season if only for the reason that the Bucs and Pats will each be fascinating to watch for different reasons (who does better in their first year apart-Bill or Tom). Brady joining a loaded offense with Mike Evans, Chris Godwin and now Gronk is tantalizing to keep it in PG terms. Conversely, you wonder what the hell Julian Edelman is thinking right now in his lonely Beacon Hill condo on a rainy Tuesday. Likewise, there have already been rumors of Tampa trying to move on from their young tight end OJ Howard. It feels like one or both of those guys could also be flipped in the near future. Harvard alum and tight end Cameron Brate has surprisingly played better than Howard who came out of Alabama with a ton of hype but so far hasn't made much of an impact in the NFL.

At his core, there will never be another Gronk on the Pats or in the NFL in that matter in the sense that he combined singular talent with a fun-loving personality (like a human Golden Retriever). You can't help but wonder how much he has left though since at the end in New England, he was basically cooked although he did make huge catches against the Chiefs in the AFC Championship and then against the Rams. He is probably still in great shape for a normal human being but football shape is different (not to sound like your local high school hardo football coach) and he's no doubt lost a ton of weight. His act is very played out but it's impossible to hate him so therefore I'll always root for Rob (and most of all hope that he doesn't suffer anymore serious injuries). I'm too old and entrenched as a Patriots fan to ever ditch them but at least I now have an NFC team to pay close attention to for however long Brady and Gronk play there.

Tweet

In Their 1st Major Post-TB12 Move, the Pats Unveil Underwhelming Pop Warner Style Uniforms

Like a jilted lover, the Patriots are trying to move on from their storybook 20-year romance with former franchise icon Tom Brady the only way that they know how: by cranking out lame uniforms for their sheep fans to snatch up while they are locked down on quarantine for the immediate future. It's a uniform so I'm not going to pretend that laundry in the least bit offends me but the fact that they hyped up what turned out to be one (slightly tweaked) new jersey just a few days before the 2020 NFL Draft begins on Thursday night. Oh and today is Patriots' Day in Massachusetts, neat? Frankly, I'm surprised that they haven't released a cringe-worthy photoshoot with quarterback Jarrett Stidham in the new duds yet but give it some time I guess.

Debating about uniforms never ceases to put me to sleep since shocker-like pizza, ice cream or beer, everyone has their own personal preference-but I feel like at least most Patriots fans can agree that their red uniforms from 1960-1992 are pretty sweet. They've worn them a couple times in recent years since far be it from the NFL to pass up on a quick money making scheme on its mostly clueless consumers. Sadly, the loophole they are going with is that maybe they could do those next year since the helmets are a different color (white with the famed Pat Patriot old school logo) than their normal silver. The fact remains that they had their most recent combos (blue jerseys and silver pants at home with white jerseys and blue pants on the road) fittingly since 2000. What year was Brady drafted in? Oh right, way back in April of 2000. So as most millennials do on social media these days after a romantic relationship ends prematurely, they have done the only thing left in their power to do: change their look in hopes of perhaps erasing a bit of what figures to be a tough few seasons while they are average at best and their ex succeeds elsewhere (with the Bucs who until they signed Brady were basically a laughingstock for most of their pathetic existence).

The color rush uniforms (all blue jersey and pants) that New England has used the last few seasons will now serve as their home uniform while these meh white jerseys (that look like something you'd have for a created team on Madden) is their away uniform. Here's a tough question if you're gullible enough to actually want one of these right now: what current Patriots player do you choose? Think about it, an NFL jersey (assuming that it's not a knockoff that you buy at Marshalls or that you're made of money) is not a cheap investment so you want some assurance that your favorite Patriot will be employed in Foxborough for years to come. Ok cool. Julian Edelman and Stephon Gilmore are both great but in their 30s so sadly, they probably won't be here for much longer. Who else is reasonable if you don't want to be a contrarian and get some random guy (like Matthew Slater or Chase Vinovich), Devin McCourty? He's also a lovable veteran that unfortunately is sure to be on the back-nine of his pro career as well.

So yeah, sorry Krafts and the Patriots Pro Shop. You won't be seeing money from me anytime soon for these forgettable jerseys. However, if they somehow finagle their way to draft Alabama quarterback Tua Tagovailoa (they own the #23 pick in the first round so they'll have to work a trade to snag him), all bets are off. Also, if you still really want to get a Stidham jersey after seeing these I have one word for you: relax. For all we know, he'll be backing up Brian Hoyer or some other bum (Andy Dalton, Cam Newton, etc.) in 2020 or god forbid next year if this upcoming NFL season never actually happens. Get lost Covid-19.

Tweet

Former Red Sox 2018 World Series MVP (and future sports trivia answer) Steve Pearce Retires

Hello friends, how are you holding up during the Covid-19 pandemic? On a lighter note, do you remember baseball (or sports in general)? Other than what would have been MLB's opening day a few weeks ago (in late March which is always dumb) and the Fenway opener shortly after that, odds are that you haven't been thinking about the rebuilding Red Sox too much lately with more pressing matters in all of our daily lives. Still, hearing the news that utility/journeyman Steve Pearce had retired today from MLB at the age of 37 (poor guy had his birthday yesterday) took me away for a brief moment to his career highlight and basically the last great time with the Sox-the 2018 World Series victory vs. LA.

We don't have to review the myriad ways that baseball is trending towards irrelevance around the U.S. and especially with younger people but I'm willing to bet that many casual MLB fans outside of Boston have already forgotten that Pearce was the 2018 World Series MVP (and thankfully not that spoiled child David Price who was also nails in the gentleman's sweep of the Dodgers). The fact that a nobody like Pearce-who played for seven MLB teams including all five in the AL East-could capture such a big award is one of my favorite aspects of baseball. The inherent randomness of the game especially when it comes to best-of-five or best-of-seven playoff series is endearing and almost unheard of in the NBA or NHL. Granted, those leagues along with the NFL have plenty of unlikely heroes from time to time but to have that carry through for longer than a game or two only really happens in MLB.

Pearce wasn't a bad player (lifetime .254 hitter with 91 homers and 303 RBIs) but his body could never hold up for the rigors of the typical absurd 162-game regular season. In fact, due to injuries and lack of playing time, he only appeared in over 100 games just once in his entire 13-year MLB career (102 games in 2014 with Baltimore). Of course, we have to note that the Red Sox made a regrettable mistake signing him to a one-year deal worth $6.25 million dollars after his flash in the pan postseason run in 2018. Predictably, he only appeared in 29 games last season for Boston as surprise (!) they couldn't come anywhere close to the franchise-best 119 wins the year before (regular season + playoffs) and he battled numerous ailments.

He wasn't signed by anyone in the abbreviated spring training and with the coronavirus putting the 2020 MLB campaign in serious jeopardy barring any outside of the box idea coming to fruition (all games in Arizona and Florida or Japan), you can't blame Pearce for realizing that now is as good a time as any to officially call it quits. Haha let's not forget how grossly overpaid any half decent baseball player that sticks around as long as Pearce can be. For his professional career (this is where you grab the nearest barf bag), he made just under $30 million dollars ($29,435,000). I'd argue that it's harder to make it to MLB than any other professional sports league in America simply because of all the minor league levels you have to get through to reach the big leagues but maybe that should serve as a reminder to those with young boys to try and get them into baseball. Then again, that ship has probably already sailed and they prefer the excitement of basketball, football, soccer, lacrosse or hockey over the boring slog of baseball.

Tweet